BEYOND SCHOOL WALLS (THE BOOTCAMP SERIES)

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all..."

GraphicsDesign: DigiTouch

Beyond the School Walls comes as a direct response to salvage the present predicament of non employment and redundancy after graduation from school amongst the students in Nigeria and by extension...

#BringBackOurPonmo: A Fight to Finish!

 

"Ponmo has never hurt anyone, Ponmo has never stolen from the people, Ponmo is not a terrorist, Ponmo did not steal our police pension money, Ponmo did not buy bullet proof car with billions of dollar..."

PhotoCredit: TheEagleOnline

Really, what do these people want from us? 

There are a lot of issues to settle and yet, what comes to their mind is the ban on Ponmo. For those of you who don't know what ponmo is, Ponmo is the skin of animals, majorly cattle, prepared into soup and stew. It is a delicacy eaten in many parts of the country, and more in the Western Nigeria. 

PhotoCredit: Foodiciary.com

Permit me to ask. Is Ponmo a presidential candidate or a governorship aspirant that they are scared of would win the 2015 election? Ponmo has never hurt anyone, Ponmo has never stolen from the people, Ponmo is not a terrorist, Ponmo did not steal our police pension money, Ponmo did not buy bullet proof car with billions of dollar, Ponmo did not abduct our girls, Ponmo did not kill Bola Ige, Dele Giwa, Dina Dapo, Funsho Williams, Aluu 4. Moreover, Ponmo did not bring Ebola into the country. Our sweet loving Ponmo has never taken the joy of Nigerians rather makes us happy. Ponmo has been existing, even before the days of their great grand fathers. 

If they want the fight of the 'gods', let them ban it first! Moreover, the cattles are not complaining... #LeaveMyPonmoAlone 

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#BRINGBACKJONATHAN2015: MOCKERY OF THE POLITY

"In the western world, insensitive issues such as this will make presidents relinquish power..."

Words failed me when I saw the massive billboards, social media hype and campaign slogans for #BringBackGoodLuck2015 for the coming election. To me, it is the most disgustful slogan I have ever come across at this period in our nation when we are  still clamouring for the release of over 250 Chibok girls taken away by the Boko Haram insurgents. It is a big mockery on the Nigerian populace and I feel Nigerians should wake up and be more sensitive to issues like this.

Most of the times, government especially politicians feel Nigerians hate them, not at all. What we desire is to see a Nigeria we would be proud of. I want to be proud of the policies, actions and leadership; I want to be a proud Nigerian. Recently, when we encountered the Ebola issue, we could see the Federal Government and state government working hand in hand to get things resolved. I was happy and Nigerians commended both parties for a job well done. But within me, I feel it is just a "BojuBoju" thing, because it is affecting the 'Mighty' and power that be. Lol!!! It is my POV! And it is the fact!!! No apologies!

Moreover, I want to believe that a communication company handled this #BringBackGoodLuck2015 campaign. This is indeed a failed strategy and very unprofessional. Secondary school students will never project such. It is sheer commonsense nah!!! Let me enlighten the communication company on their job a bit. Their duty basically is to communicate the message to all its stakeholders, or public which should be coherent, credibile and ethical. 

The Washington Post tagged it as 'the most inappropriate political hashtag of the year'. Read further what WP says...

"#BringBackOurGirls awoke the world to the ravages of Boko Haram, an al-Qaeda-linked terror group in Nigeria, and the plight of the millions of people who live in the midst of their insurgency. At the heart of the message were hundreds of missing schoolgirls, abducted in April from the remote village of Chibok by Boko Haram fighters, who vowed to make them into slaves. The #BringBackOurGirls hashtag channeled both sympathy from abroad and local outrage and concern in Nigeria, with many angry at the government of President Goodluck Jonathan for being unable to free the captured women..."

PhotoCredit: AFP/Getty Images

In the western world, insensitive things such as this will make presidents relinquish power. I just hope this is not a misguided effort at creativity. But if I were GEJ, I would humbly RESIGN! CASE CLOSED!!!

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BREAKING: EWEDU CAN CURE EBOLA

Professor Adebukola Ositelu, a don of ‎Ophthalmology at the University of Lagos, Akoka (UNILAG) and consultant at the Lagos University Hospital (LUTH), Idi-Araba, has said Ewedu(Long-Fruited vegetable) may prevent and cure the Ebola Virus Disease (EVD) by boosting the immune system. Ositelu made this disclosure while speaking at the annual African Traditional Medicine Day organised by the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC) on Thursday, at Ikeja, Lagos.

According to her, “Ewedu” has a high potency to boost the immune system that its usage would prevent an individual from being infected with Ebola, or get rid of the virus in the case of an infected person. She further disclosed that should the victim be vomitting, an intake of Ewedu may still be administered. To administer the “Ewedu” treatment, Ositelu said the Ewedu should be rinsed thoroughly with liquid vinegar “blend and cook with drinkable water, without adding salt or kaun (pottash) or any other ingredients; then take a 25cl or half a tumbler measure once a week, first thing in the morning before any meal”. This treatment, according to her, should be taken every morning for 5 to 7 days.

- Culled from City People

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ESSENTIALS, AS YOU WALK DOWN THE AISLE THIS 'EMBER' SEASON

Photo credit: AfricanSweetHeartWeddings

Firstly, I would say a BIG congratulations to you as you embark on this 'marriagehood'! Peradventure, you have been involved in planning events, I stand to tell you that of all the events you have arranged, nothing will be as special as planning your wedding day. Trust me! Weddings are amazing, it is a one-in-life-time event.

As an Event Host and planner, I listed out some tips that will be helpful when planning for the D-Day. If you planned getting married next week, some might not be that useful but you will find it insightful and interesting. Now, take a deep breathe and go through...

Twelve to Nine Months Before your D-Day:

* Get a wedding folder: Begin to get bridal, lifestyle, fashion, gardening, design, and food magazines for inspiration.Go through!

* Work out your budget: No time! Determine how much you have to spend, based on your families’ contributions and your own. But please, cut your coat according to your cloth!

* Pick your wedding date and venue: It will aid your planning.

* Start your guest list: Make a head count database to use throughout your planning process, with columns for contact info, RSVPs, gifts, and any other relevant information. If indeed, you want a low cost? Reduce your guest list!

* Hire a planner, if you desire: A planner will have relationships with various vendors and insights about them.

* Book your officiant.

Eight Months Before your D-Day:

* Book your photographer and the videographer: You may not need to talk specifics yet, but be sure that these people are open to doing the shots that you desire. Take time to go through their archives!

* Book the entertainment: Take time out to attend gigs of potential acts to see how they perform in front of audiences, then reserve your favorite.

* Meet the caterers: If your wedding venue doesn’t offer its own catering service, look for one and hire the service this month or early next.

* Purchase your dress: You will need to schedule time for at least three fittings. Veil shopping can be postponed for another two to three months.

* Reserve a block of hotel rooms for out-of-town guests: Pick three hotels at different price points close to the reception venue.

Photo Credit: AshleysBrideGuide

* Add class to your wedding by Launching a wedding website: Create your personal page through a free provider such as weddingchannel.com. Note the date of the wedding, travel information, and accommodations. Then send the link to invitees.

Seven to Six Months Before your D-Day:

* Select and purchase invitations: Addressing cards is time-consuming, so you need to budget accordingly. If possible, get a calligrapher.

* Start planning a honeymoon: Make sure that your passports are up-to-date, and schedule doctors’ appointments.

* Shop for bridesmaids’ dresses: Allow at least six months for the dresses to be ordered and sized.

* Meet with the officiant: Map out the ceremony and confirm that you have all the official documents for the wedding (these vary by religion, especially in Nigeria).

* Reserve structural and electrical necessities: Book portable toilets for outdoor events, extra chairs if you need them, lighting components and so on.

* Arrange transportation.

* Start composing a programme of event: Draw up a schedule of the event and slot in each component like the cake-cutting, the first dance, toast...

Five to Four Months Before:

* Check on the wedding invitations: Ask the stationer for samples of the finished invitations and revise them to suit your needs.

* Select and order the cake: Some bakers require a long lead time. Attend several tastings before committing to any baker to save your day.

* Send your guest list to the host of your shower: Provided you know about the shower.

* Purchase wedding shoes and start dress fittings: Bring the shoes along to your first fitting so the designer can choose the appropriate length for your gown.

* Schedule hair and makeup artists: Make a few appointments with local experts to try them out. Snap a photo at each so you can compare results.

* Choose your music: What should be playing when the wedding party is announced? During dinner? To kick off the dancing? Keep a running list of what you want and do not want played.

Three Months Before the D-Day:

* Finalize the menu and flowers: You’ll want to wait until now to see what will be available, since food and flowers are affected by season.

* Make a list of the people giving toasts: Which loved ones would you like to have speak at the reception? Ask them now.

* Finalize the readings: Determine what you would like to have read at the ceremony and whom you wish to do the readings.

* Purchase your undergarments: And schedule your second fitting.

* Finalize the order of the ceremony and the reception.

JP as Emcee at a wedding reception

* Print menu cards, if you like, as well as programs: No need to go to a printer, if that’s not in     your budget: You can easily create these on your computer,

* Purchase the rings: This will give you time for resizing and engraving.

* Send your event schedule to the vendors: Giving them a first draft now allows ample time for tweaks and feedback.

Two Months Before the D-Day:

* Touch base again with all the vendors: Make sure any questions you or they had on your first draft have been answered.

* Meet with the photographer: Discuss specific shots, and walk through the locations to note spots that appeal to you.

* Review the playlist with the band or deejay: Though you probably won’t be able to dictate every single song played, you should come prepared with a wish list.

* Send out the invitations: (The rule of thumb) Mail invitations six to eight weeks before the ceremony, setting the RSVP cutoff at three weeks after the postmark date.

* Enjoy a bachelorette party: Arranging a night out with your girlfriends generally falls to the maid of honor. But if she hasn’t mentioned one to you by now, feel free to ask—for scheduling purposes, of course!—if a celebration is in the works.

One Month Before the D-Day:

* Enter RSVPs into your guest-list database: Phone people who have not yet responded.

* Get your marriage license: The process can take up to six days, but it’s good to give yourself some leeway. If you are changing your name, order several copies.

* Visit the dressmaker for (with luck!) your last dress fitting: For peace of mind, you may want to schedule a fitting the week of your wedding. You can always cancel the appointment if you try on the dress then and it fits perfectly.

* Stock the bar: Now that you have a firm head count you can order accordingly.

* Send out as many final payments as you can.

* Confirm times for hair and makeup and all vendors.

* E-mail and print directions for drivers of transport vehicles: This gives the chauffeurs ample time to navigate a route.

* Assign seating: Draw out table shapes on a layout of the room to help plan place settings. Write the names of female guests on pink sticky notes and the names of male guests on blue sticky notes so you can move people about without resketching the entire setting.

* Purchase bridesmaids’ gifts: You’ll present them at the rehearsal dinner.

* Get your hair cut and colored, if desired.

Week of the weDDing:

* Reconfirm arrival times with vendors.

* Delegate small wedding-day tasks: Choose someone to bustle your dress, someone to carry your things, someone to be in charge of gifts (especially the enveloped sort), someone to hand out tips, and someone to be the point person for each vendor

* Send a timeline to the bridal party: Include every member’s contact information, along with the point people you’ve asked to deal with the vendors, if problems arise.

* Pick up your dress: Or make arrangements for a delivery.

* Check in one last time with the photographer: Supply him or her with a list of moments you want captured on film.

* Set aside checks for the vendors: And put tips in envelopes to be handed out at the event.

* Book a spa treatment: Make an appontment for a manicure and a pedicure the day before the wedding. (You might want to get a stress-relieving massage, too.)

* Send the final guest list to the caterer and all venues hosting your wedding-related events: Typically, companies close their lists 72 hours in advance.

* Break in your shoes.

* Pack for your honeymoon.

(To schedule Godwin, JP for your event or engagement, call +234(0)8037927967 or mail: jesusparrotsmiles@yahoo.com)

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COMEDIANS AND THEIR CORPORATE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY (CSR)

Comedy is a very rewarding business, where you need zero capital to start up. Just your mouth, will push you to a higher height

 –Jesusparrot

Godwin, JP on Stage

A few years ago, the comedy art was not given so much attention as we have it today. Comedy in Nigerian has improved from the beggarly perception of the society to a respectable profession. Comedy has gone deeper and most vast than our original perception.

‘At a point, any comic action was seen as a sign of irresponsibility, immaturity, and unseriousness. It is different today’ says Alibaba.

Comedy, as a part of literary study is a form of literary communication. In Nigeria, it is becoming a fast growing industry. Comedy is part of the arts and a fusion. It doesn’t stand on its own. It’s just that in Nigeria, comedy is a developing industry. That’s why, you still cannot study comedy or you have comedy as a course in higher institutions.

Godwin, JP (Comedian)

Until 1982, comedy had never been taught as a credit course in a major American university.  Until 1984 there wasn’t a single published textbook that detailed the structure of humour writing fundamentals. Today, teaching comedy has become a grown industry. The first comedy writing course at the Scripps School of Journalism at Ohio University has become such a smash hit that students register a year in advance to occupy one of the twenty allotted seats. More than twenty universities now have comedy courses in the US. Workshops and seminars are frequently organised on the benefits of humour in their personal as well as professional life.

In Nigeria, The trend of the art is virtually taking a new shape, with the likes of Atoyota Halleluya Akpobome (Alibaba), who started the stand-up comedy form in Nigeria. Others are Julius Agwu (D’ Genius), Tunde Adewale (Tee A), Ajibola Adebayo (HolyMallam), Ayo Richard Makun (AY), Bright Okpocha (BasketMouth), Koffi Idowu ‘Nuel, Owen Gee, Teju Oyelakin (TejuBaby Face), Seyi Law, Dan d’ Humourous, Godwin Okhawere (JP) amongst others. Though, the comedy art in Nigeria can be dated back to the era of Jimi Solanke, Moses Olaiya (Baba Sala), Mohammed Danjuma and Papi Luwe. The art has indeed has effect on entertainment industry and Nigeria as a whole.

Basically, comedy is to induce laughter. And this is the social responsibility of any comedian. It is no secret that laughter is the best medicine and the easiest way to shed tears off one’s face. Imagine the way one feels after a good dose of rip-roaring, side- splitting laughter? As most would say, it’s priceless! But the road to unabashed humour was not always this easy, the lucrative and even respected. Barely, twenty years ago would no parents condole the idea of their child being the unofficial “class idiot” or jester, preferring for their wards to go onto seemingly more respectable careers while towing the paths those before had followed. In the true fashion that radical changes occur, a small shift in the norm and a gradual tearing away from the fold, it began to be cool to make people laugh and earn something for it. Concerts, sold-out shows and comedy clubs are now a part of our lifestyle as a result of this important mini-revolution in our social culture.

Benjamin Lehman, in his book ‘Comedy and Laughter’ states clearly that, “Laughter is said to be provoked by human manifestations. The laughter, it is said to be corrective; we are invited to believe that the chief end of comedy is to reform manners and dispositions. He further states, “At the outset, we must observe that though we laugh at actions and utterances in comedy, we do not laugh at the comedy as a whole. For the comedy as a whole is serious work, making an affirmation about life that chimes with our intuitive sense of how things are and with our deep human desire to have the necessary and agreeable prevail and our even deeper human desire to arrest before our minds a condition of things pleasant in itself and completely free from the threat of time and disruption.

In “Comedy and Laughter”, Lehmann emphasis that “comedy did not invent incongruity, it discovered it. Long before psychiatry formulated analogous concepts, comedy discovered the masque, the disguise, mistaken identity. Comedy found them what we call laughable, but on the deeper level felt them as symbolic expression. It recognized in non-sequiturs the verbal symbol of those minor derangements in the sequence of events which are always present when we view reality with preconceptions. It found in wit – the surprising juxtaposition implied or expressed and happily phrased- the verbal suggestion of the infinite possibilities of being and of connection”.

To me, Laughter is the surplus of life; it is a bubbling over of the emotions, a kind of spasm of exuberance, a delight of the human heart that makes the thorax cackle; something that warms the heart and delights the brain and the imagination so that men are moved to overflowing delight. Really, Comedy depends on the eye of the beholder, not on the character of the object he has in view, that nothing in nature is categorically comic- whether it is so or not depends on what you make of it. It would seem to follow that anything or everything is suitable subject matter for comedy. From a strictly, philosophical point of view, that is so. But comedy is a tradition as well as an idea; and to the writer and reader of comedy the selection of subject matter and setting is as important as abstract notions about art. Comedy depicts men and women in society.

Consequently, the comedy industry in Nigeria is fast-becoming a productive end to meeting other ends. This has become evident albeit popular on television or film, and in today’s sold-out stand-up comedy shows. The manner of wave-making by youthful geniuses at the art and act of jocular remarks is in itself, inspiring. As companies and organisations have corporate social responsibilities, one key goal comedians should learn to carry out is their social responsibilities, which is to put smiles and laughter into people’s faces.

- by Godwin, JP (Comedian/Event Host.Ardent Publicist.Brand Specialist)

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THE DEVIL IN GREEN TOGA

I wrote this piece a decade ago after several attempt to overcome the horrible god called 'JAMB'. It caused an uproar in the media and I got an invitation from Funmi Iyanda on New Dawn after she read through. Recently, while I was searching for something in my archives, I stumbled at it and I decided to share on this platform. Enjoy and Comment!

Photo Credit: PartyOnWareHouse

So I applied…

Just as my colleagues did

With Faith, Hope, Pains and Anguish

First attempt I still mourn

The burial I hold strong in heart

To me, an eye opener it is

With caution and patience

My identity I filled

Making known to them

My true self

Not one thing I withheld

I’m a free man

Whose soul knows no guile

Before dawn, I stood

Checking the moving hand of time

I persevered like my Father’s sermon

Not to be driven by the power of sleep.

I yielded their papers,

At the entrance gate

Fervently waiting for the outpouring time

When seeds and weeds will separate

With smile, I re-plan

Burying the thought of my first reproach

I prepared, indeed

Good intent, my heart speaks

Deep calls into deep

Sunken becomes my heart as I read

Yet, I guide my hands jealously

No excuse, this time

Take no shit, man!

I must do well, rang in my head

For once, let me prove my innocence

In a jiffy,

I let go the burden of time

Leaving the sinful saints

Rack their empty skulls

Brooding, as though they know

In that unholy shell

Where our monitor turned villain

After much persuasion

I logged in with pleasure

The system truly acknowledged my presence

Hoping to see my undoubted success

Alas! My eyes doth see

The reverse of my heart

I grin as I left, but rotten within

How could? How could?

Were the words from my lips

Doth fate show me this evil?

Oh JAMB!

A threat you are, not to me

To those who relent, you become a pain

You glory, you turned down

Marauding beast you are

Causing pains to the virgin

I have become a sinful saint

Then, you smile

Hoping you’ve done well

Bravo!

You’ve grown, I thought

A devil in green toga

To the victim of injustice

That played in the game, I speak for

We’re heroes, no doubt

Be proud my pals

Soonest, we shall become the world greatest

Before long, our heroic deeds shall be known

We’re fighters of the war

For a new world

We shall not remain

A victim for long at the hand of JAMB

We shall break the JAMB

That keeps JAMB an overlord

We shall leap beyond its shores

For you victim of intellectual injustice

I pledge my support

July 30th, 2005; 4.40am

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